The_Rambler_1990-04-03

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Serial Murderer on Campusi? By John Shackelford
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FARMIMGDALE, NY 117;
LIBRARY/SERIALS DEPT.^
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"I've never heard of it," replied CoUine, "but I
have herd howling." Students like Colline, my message to
you is to stop sitting around in terror and speak out! Date
line: April, place: SUNY Farmingdale. Item: A werewolf
on campus.
When I was approached by a single brave dormi-tory
student, who asked me to blow the lid off the werewolf
problem, I laughed. However, I did, for some strange
reason, (perhaps it was the hand of God) decide to inves-tigate
the story.
The facts you will read, and the photos you will
see are guaranteed to astound you! When I first went into
the dormitories, in my Clark Kent suit, I got an idea that
something was going on. I was confronted with an attitude
of fear whenever I brought up the subject of a werewolf! I
knew what I must do. I cleverly disguised myself as a dorm
student, and went under cover! I went to the dorm where the
citings were most frequent. Smith Hall.
While doing my undercover work, I recorded
some of my conversations
"Hi, how you doing, Names John," I said.
"My name's Walter Chevez of Smith Hall."
"Hey Walter, I'm a dorm student.... have you
ever seen the werewolf?"
"I have seen it. He attacks verbally. It (is) very
large in size, especially in the stomach. It sometimes wears
a hat."
Sounds pretty incredible! Well listen to this
"I've seen i t " says Joe Gentile of Smith Hall. "It
usually attacks in a crowd. Thursday nights it will trip the
fire alarm, and when all of the students are in one big place,
it attacks!"
Joe also believes, "A few mice in the lounge are
it's lookouts."
I asked Joe if it kills people when it gets them trapped. He
said it usually doesn't that "he just scares the daylights out
of you." I was also informed by Mr. Gentile that" some
people have to leave because of him."
Then one night it happened! I was passing through
the lobby of Smith Hall, when I suddenly herd a howl! I ran
into the lounge and hid behind one of the couches! I knew
it wouldn't be long before I got a look at the monster.
Unfortunately another person would get a look at the beast
as well, another who would die! I herd her screams, and
jumped out from my hiding spot, camera flashing away!
Much to my dismay something struck me from behind, and
knocked me out. I did, however, get a good picture of its
foot! When I awoke their was a tape outline around my
body, and one around the body of the girl who had died a
Daniels to be New Bozo
Mike Daniels is a real Bozo when it comes to
clowning around.
In fact, the New York native is
the biggest Bozo in the country— and lhats
nothing to laugh about
The ?-year old Daniels recently
was named the best of 10 finalists in a na-tionwide
search to find a replacement for
Larry Harmon, the original Bozo the Clown.
"Right now I'm the number one
Bozo," said a proud Daniels, who out-clowned more than
350 other rubber-faced comics in order to win the honor.
Although he hasn' t yet captured the official Bozo
title, Judges in the contest are expecti d to select him as the
nations top clown sometime in mid- June.
Winning the title is almost destiny for the dicetor,
actor, comic who now calls Long Island his home.
Whenever my mother asked me what
w a n t e d to
d o w h e n I g r e w up, I s a id I w a n t t o be
Bozo."
"Bozo was an obsession to me as a kid," said
Daniels who has several television commercials to his
credit. "Whenever my mother asked me what I wanted to
do when I grew up, I said I want to be Bozo."
Ever since a neighbor talked him into dressing up
as a clown for a local Memorial day parade when he was 9,
Daniels has had a growing affinity for
floppy shoes, colorful oversized cloth-ing
and big rubber noses!
"I want to entertain people...
to make them laugh," said the comic.
Thecountry's topclown makes
$175,(XX) a year on the national level
and $20,000a year if he's selected to be
a local Bozo.
We all wish Daniels the best of
luck. Now that's something to laugh at!