The_Rambler_1951-04-05

              COLLEGE OF: lEOHi^OLOS;
rARMlMOOALE, M^
THE
Long Island Agricultural and Technical Institute—Farmingdale, N. Y.
Vol. XXI, No. 5 April 5, 1951
CALENDAR PROVEN INCORRECT
In the year 900 B. C. a great
man whose name was Egdelwonk
devised a calendar for one of the
magnanimous Emperors of Rome.
This man's name is a word you
are most familiar with but un-fortunately
you are authentically
ignorant of the subject matter this
word symbolizes. However, that is
a matter of no great consequence
because only scientists occupy their
time discussing "Scientia".
We are deviating from our sub-ject.
I have spent seventy years
unearthing information concerning
our present system of counting
days and celebrating holidays. My
findings coincide with the place-ment
of all but one hoLday, and
that is April Fool's Day. It ha^
been found factual tliat on the
first day of spring, the year is
unknown to us, but since we con-cern
ourselves with ingenuine facts
only, a triviality of this nature
should not distract our minds from
the great task ol changing April
Fool's Day, from April the fiist
to April the second. As we have
already proven, on the first day
of spring a beggar arrived in the
city of Rome. Since all beggais
at that period of history looked
like our present politicians, he was
conducted to the Colosseum to meet
the learned men of the day. Once
there he proceeded to relate the
great events that were taking place
in the laboratories of the U.S.S.R.
You know, I trust, that all in-ventions
that ever benefited hu-manity
were given birth to by the
Kremlin.
For eleven days this stranger
related the tales of great cosmic
changes. The Romans, who though,
him to be what we know he was
not, mobilized their country and
started marching with red flags
and s i c k l e scalers, against the
country that threatened to annihi-late
them by letting loose an ani-mal
called the H Bomb. The beggar
recognized the seriousness of the
moment and revealed his identity.
He then revealed that all this was
nothing but wild talk. The Romans,
who had plenty of wit, feted the
occasion with many carnivals and
public festivals. To keep alive the
spirit of capriciousness, they de-eded
to celebrate the occasion each
year on the second day of April.
In the light of the facts you have
just been familiarized with, you
TIME MARCHES ON Gambling Investigated
Things were running along sort
of normal for me until I received
your birthday letter, which sort
of jolted me and made me realiie
that I was a year older. Having
heard that life begins at 40, I
started thinking of things t h at
happened lately to see if maybe
life was just beginning for me!
With a sort of delayed action fuse,
I came up with a few observations
and am passing them on to you,
wondering if you have also noticed
the same changes.
It seems to me they are building
staircases steeper then they u;eJ
to, the steps are higher, or there
are more of them, or something.
Maybe this is because it's so much
farther today from the first floor
to the second floor, but I ha\e
noticed it is getting harder to make
two steps at a time any more.
Another thing I've noticed is the
small print they're using lately.
Newspapers are getting farther
and farther away when I hold
them, and I have to squint to make
them out. The other day I had to
back halfway out of a telephore
booth in order to read the number
on the coin box. It is obviously
ridiculous to suggest that a person
my age needs glasses, but the only
other way I can find out what's
going on is to have somebody
read aloud to me, and that's not
too satisfactory because people
speak in such low voices these days
I can't hear them very well.
(Continued on Page 2)
will agree it to be an act of ac
curacy to change April Fool's Day,
from the first to the second. To
honor the occasion the Rambler
is presenting the campus with a
formal dance and free drinks for
the boys. You are cordially in-vited
to attend the April Fool's
Day dance, which is to be on
April the second.
Gambling found on the premises
of the Long Island Agricultural
and Technical Campus.
Several of the dorm inmates have
been arrested upon finding cards
clutched in their clammy, little
mitts. The prosecutor also feels
that a flow of cards is being smug-gled
across from Dorm 1 to the
Boy's Dorm and even as far as
to the Tech Dorm.
Yesterday Warden "Nap" took
stand; however, before he would
submit to questioning, he insisted
that the photographers take at least
5 pictures each, and television in-stalled
at all angles. The prosecutor
felt that Warden "Nap" was major-ally
responsible for these unlawful
goings on. However, "Nap" pleaded
that he was ignorant, the prose-cutor
agreed, but also said that
"ignorance is no excuse". The uni-versal
law states that in every
penitentiary or mental hospital the
warden is responsible for the ac-tions
of the inmates. Therefore, it
is Warden "Nap's" obligation to
prohibit all extra-curricular activ-ities
and to enforce this prohibition.
One of the activities, "Movies",
previously on trial, had been proven
guilty of corrupting the inferior
minds of the inmates with such
dribble as music, love and history,
an unallowable combination.
After talking for three whole
days, "Nap" was finally removed
from the stand. The dorm super's
then took their oath and forming
a beautiful quintet sang out their
names. However, since the roar
was undistinquishable the judge
acquitted them, not realizing that
that was music, for according to
the 25th Amendment, playing or
singing anything recognized as
music is punishable by law.
T h e n "Antiques Abbie" was
brought in. Antiques had been held
down in the cosmo jail to protect
her from becoming sane. For if
she was proven normal she could
not testify as to how two aces had
found their way into her spotle-s
three room mansion; and how their
mates had traveled to the Tech
Dorm.
NEWS FLASH — As the cadets
silently crept up the crickity stairs,
the sound of voices drifted down.
The cadets pounced and another
chess game was uncovered and the
gamblers hauled off to the now
A N A ME
So you ladies do not like living
in a thing called "Dorm 1". Of
course, it is somewhat impersonal,
I grant you that. But it is said that
you girls have very vivid imagina-tions.
So why don't you try and
think! Thinking is not so difficult;
did you ever try? It is very easy
as a matter of fact. You just have
to sit down and ponder. Strange
how girls can sit for hours on end
and discuss various topics, namely
boys, but when it comes to other
matters of mind, they naturally
need help.
I've a suggestion, how about cal-ling
the dorm, the Den of Anti-quity?
I believe everyone m u st
have seen the Antigue sign in front
of Dorm 1 during Country Life.
Didn't it mean that that was the
place where the human antiques
were exhibited?
Of course, that name might not
please you girls. You probably
would pick something flowery and
gooey like—Friend's Castle or Hap-py
Hall. Or maybe even something
suggestive like Dew Drop Inn or
Duck Inn.
Oh, there are many things you
could call your abode but then,
after all, we are quite happy with
the name "Dorm 1" and so are the
authorities. So why change it?
overflowing pound.
What will this cleaning up trend
result in?